As a woman who had grown up in the national capital of Delhi, hearing the several stories of eve teasing, as the girl who had stood in a candle march when she was 12 in solidarity for Nirbhaya in what we now call the rape capital of the country, I thought I had learnt that art of dealing with men who looked at me like I was an object. I strongly believed I could pepper spray their fragile egos and stab into their cold-blooded hearts if they so much as dared to look me up and down.
But that’s what happens when you’ve always been so armoured in a place you’ve always known—you know the kind of people that exist around you. You can differentiate between those who would drown your neck in a crowded public space trying to make physical contact with you and those who would actually look out for you. You’re wary of all men at all times, like you’re hawk-eyed deer only managing to escape from your potential predator
Women’s Safety: Who Is Responsible?
But, growing up with such an armour also often deludes one into believing that you can see through everyone. It makes you believe you will always know someone’s intentions towards you, and most importantly, it makes you believe it’s just these people, these men, in this god awful city of your very own country, who could potentially harm you and not the men you meet in a foreign country, most definitely not your own country’s men. Don’t get me wrong, my problem is not with all men I meet; in fact, I know for a fact that not all men.
Recently I had the opportunity to visit another country. Fortunately or unfortunately for me, it was Thailand, the country infamous for what it is, that bore me the experience of a lifetime, in every sense.
Honestly, the country is absolutely beautiful, and the people are very warm and kind. Be it the people of Thailand or the people from all different parts of the world who were either living there or visiting the place, except one section of men. If you had to take a wild guess, I am still sure you’d know who they were.
Women’s Safety: A Trauma That Looms
In Bangkok, for all those days that I was there, I would go out at night and not one person be bothered about my existence. People would see me out walking at 11:30 in the night; they’d smile at me, friendly and harmless, and move on with life without a second glance.
That was until I was on a beach in Pattaya and I was surrounded by Indian men, old men, young men, men from Delhi, men from the southern part of our country, visiting the place and just having fun. And suddenly I was the centre of their attention. In those few hours, I was stared at like a hawk; I was clicked without my consent. They pretended they were taking selfies and that I wouldn’t know.
One time, a conversation that had started with someone I thought was a friendly face from my own country and city turned out so scary, with an old man probably in his late 50s, that I had to involve a tour guide to help me skip a situation.
The old man was with his younger boys, acting like they were studs. He realized that I was from Delhi and that I and my mother were alone on the trip and asked us for our hotel and room numbers. When we disengaged from the conversation, they searched for me from amidst a crowd and asked me for my number, which I politely declined, so they asked me where I stayed in Delhi.
Women’s Safety: Not All Men
All of this, Indian men have been pulling at us women for ages now, and sadly yet, but in a way we are used to it. We are used to the fact that they believe that if we are among too many of them, we are automatically up for grabs. But what is even scarier is them doing the same to the women of another country when they are visitors there. A bunch of south Indian men even went ahead to harass a little girl who was a tour guide with us, so much so that she switched groups because of how uncomfortable they made her.
Towards the end of my trip, I thought things were going to get better. I was out of the place, so what could happen at an international airport? You’d think in a secure area, like the airports, things like this would be contained. Let me tell you now how a good trip for me was once again ruined when a bunch of (Indian) men again found their way right next to me.
While I was oblivious to it initially, their relentless stares made it hard to not acknowledge the fact that I was once again being stared at, the entire time we were waiting to board our flight back home and even inside the flight. They sat a row ahead of us but never missed a chance to turn around for some reason or another and look at me. But again, I was not the only one they were harassing. The air hostesses in the flight, as polite as they were, were bound to get uncomfortable every time they came to offer snacks because just in that moment the other Indian flyers in the flight would obstruct them by tapping or touching their shoulders or rubbing past them as they would get up to go to washrooms.
So yes, maybe not all men, definitely not, but Indian men, I would be forever wary. A lot of the people who read about this will be offended by this generalization, but it would’ve been different if it wasn’t just them. Sadly, it was.
Women’s Safety: Government Or Men?
As the Delhi elections steer closer, there are a lot of questions being asked as to what the Delhi government has done to make the rape capital safer for women. But is this really a question for the governments anymore?
When we talk about the punishment that men who harass women or rapists get in this country, yes, the government becomes accountable because a death sentence for a crime as torturous as rape is too easy. But how do we expect a country or its government to mould the minds of the men who have grown to believe that women are properties, who believe women in their households to be sacred, I really hope, but women they see outside as commodities?
Even if today, the Delhi government, irrespective of which political party takes power as the landscape shifts, takes stricter actions to ensure women’s safety on the roads of Delhi, will it ever change how the men of this country, in this city, look at women and feel about women’s safety? Is it a question for the people in power or for the people who do not have any power, not even over their own minds?
