Love has a way of making us all feel a little too generous. We often excuse behaviours, rewrite memories, and convince ourselves with all possible reasons that they “will” change if you put in a little more effort or approach it in a certain way, don’t we? And even before we realise, relationships become a never-ending experiment that drains us. While I agree that no relationships are perfect, there are still certain red flags that you absolutely should not ignore. Those save us from uncalled heartbreaks and help keep us sane.
But we need to know that red flags aren’t always the loud ones screaming danger. Some are subtle signs that tell us to run. Those are often disguised as concerns, humour, or self-praise. And, the problem isn’t in noticing them; the problem is in choosing to ignore. But I got you covered here. Here are five reg flags that you shouldn’t ignore, at all costs.
1. They Make You Feel Small Without Saying Anything Cruel
You know it isn’t healthy anymore when you go to them with an idea, and they make you believe that you are naive to even think that way in the first place. Sounds familiar? They let out a small chuckle, a pat on your head, or just give you that hug which whispers childish. And no! That isn’t cute. Don’t manipulate yourself into thinking it is.
Let me tell you what it does. The next time an idea pops up in your head, you already dismiss it by thinking you’re overthinking, or you unconsciously start anticipating what their reaction will be. And, that my friend, is a reg flag you need to be very careful about. If your partner does not listen to everything that you have to say with all his ears, he is not totally invested. Believe that when he shows. Because love doesn’t thrive in shallowness, it is supposed to expand your horizons at all levels.
2. Everything Is Somehow Always Your Fault
Recollect all those incidents when your complaints became things that started with something you did in the first place. If you go to your partner with a problem, all he is supposed to do is listen, and then analyse and reflect on his behaviour. If he is not doing that as a reflex action, there is always going to be an unseen friction. It will eventually always be your fault. Your fault: to overthink, to express too much, to feel too much, or simply over exaggerate things.
So, the next time someone refuses to take responsibility for their actions, no matter how small that may be, make sure you get the facts straight before it is too late. Arguments in all relationships are normal. They give you space to grow, come close and understand each other a little more. And, if that’s not the case, show yourself some love and leave.
3. Love Feels Conditional
You’d notice some people rewarding obedience subtly. So next time you find someone who is rewarding you if you obey, run! You don’t have to behave a certain way or be a certain way to feel loved. Because when they decided to like you, you were this person only. So there is absolutely no need to change later. So, when you feel loved only when you agree, when you don’t challenge them, when you fit into their expectations, it’s time to reflect on your relationship and the future you are being promised.
Most often, you’d find this pattern with narcissists. And no, they don’t come wearing masks. They are people. People who control and change you according to them when they make you earn the love that they have to offer.
4. They Isolate You: Slowly and Subtly
You’d find many couples fighting over being friendly with the opposite gender. They expect you to cut all the ties with the other person just so that they feel secure. And the most dangerous part is when control comes in bits and parts. They’d probably never say: Don’t talk with that person. They’d subtly say that your friends don’t understand you as much as they do. They may also suddenly want to spend more time with you when they know you have plans. Or might playfully even ask you why you need them in the first place. And you’d feel like, oh, this person loves me so much! That’s not love. That is control through isolation.
Some don’t even know when their world started to shrink. Minute by minute, person by person. And, suddenly, one day, when loneliness hits, there is no one you can look forward to. A healthy partner always supports your individuality. They will never compete with your friends, family, or passions. They understand that love thrives when both people have full, independent lives.
5. You Are Constantly Anxious
There comes a time when suddenly you’re anxious about every little thing, and that is when you start to overthink. You suddenly feel on the edge, as if something is slipping from your hand. But you’d not know exactly what that feeling is, because everything seems to be okay, isn’t it? You overthink everything before you start talking, you manage your tone, the way you look, anticipate consequences, manage their moods, and deal with an underlying fear of doing or saying something wrong. My friend, your body knows even before your mind registers it. So, next time you feel anxious around someone, ditch the person without any guilt, without any reason.
Why Are Red Flags So Easy to Ignore?
When you spend time with someone, breaking ties is not easy because you are invested. You always try to make things better, you always compensate for little things, you create reasons and justify their behaviour, because we don’t fall in love to feel heartbroken, right? But what if after multiple conversations, after multiple tries, things don’t change, then would you really compromise for the love that is not giving?
