A growing number of people are finding resonance with the term “graysexual,” sharing their experiences online and in real life.
What Is Graysexuality?
Graysexuality is often described as existing in a “gray area” between being allosexual – experiencing regular sexual attraction – and asexual – experiencing none. Those who identify as graysexual may experience sexual attraction rarely, inconsistently, or only under certain conditions.
Online communities, particularly the r/Graysexuality subreddit with over 8,300 members, have become safe spaces for people to discuss their experiences with dating, intimacy, and identity.
From Ungender’s #genderdictionary, today’s word is Graysexuality (or greysexuality) — a term used to refer to people who experience limited sexual attraction. They experience sexual attraction very rarely, or with very low intensity. Read more here: https://t.co/YRIjRLoRKQ? pic.twitter.com/WQap4EOGH8
— Ungender (@ungender_in) June 8, 2020
Graysexual Community Share Their Experiences
In one post, Reddit user @The\_Archer2121 shared how they spent much of their life assuming they were just a “late bloomer.” Crushes came “decades apart,” rarely lasted, and they often did not feel sexual attraction – even toward their own partner.
Another user recalled feeling sexual attraction only once in their life, explaining,“when I see someone attractive, I don’t have that ‘I’d hit that’ internal feeling. I just want to be near them.”
Others described pressure during college to experiment with sex, even when their desire did not align with peers. One wrote, “ended up getting married (not a good life choice), and things didn’t go well in the sexual department. I was constantly ridiculed and pressured into doing things that I didn’t want to do.”
For some, attraction “switches on” only every few months, leading them to alternate between identifying as allosexual and asexual before discovering graysexuality – and a sense of belonging.
Growing Interest In Graysexuality Among Gen Z
On TikTok and YouTube, videos on graysexuality are gaining traction, with creators like podcaster Mark (@notdefining) describing it as, “a bit of sexual attraction… but to a low degree.”
This growing visibility reflects a broader shift, with Gen Z more open to discussing sexual identities that defy rigid categories
Many mistakenly assume graysexual individuals are uninterested in relationships or are simply repressed.
Psychotherapist Jane Czyzselska explains, “it can be hard in both queer and wider culture to confidently own a sexuality that acknowledges desire differently.”
She encourages people exploring the label to reflect on what contexts spark or suppress their attraction and to trust their own evolving boundaries, “no one should tell you who you should be or who you are.”
The Origins of the Term Graysexuality
The word graysexual first appeared on the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) in 2006. Since then, it has become an important identity for people who do not fit neatly into either the sexual or asexual categories. Some who identify as graysexual may also connect with terms like demisexual (experiencing attraction only after forming an emotional bond), queer, or pansexual.
As one Reddit user put it, “I was so repressed in this regard out of pure confusion… It was such a relief to finally have a word for how I feel.”
Zubair Amin is a Senior Journalist at NewsX with over seven years of experience in reporting and editorial work. He has written for leading national and international publications, including Foreign Policy Magazine, Al Jazeera, The Economic Times, The Indian Express, The Wire, Article 14, Mongabay, News9, among others. His primary focus is on international affairs, with a strong interest in US politics and policy. He also writes on West Asia, Indian polity, and constitutional issues. Zubair tweets at zubaiyr.amin
